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staying home from the pool and eating ice cream and doing math problems

genus: nerdius

species: fattius

some notes I wrote to myself that I just found wedged into a book

• title could be misleading
• a lot of asides
• work paragraph needs deepening– 70′s feminism
• how she explains cadaver thing
• scene work
• car scene good
• Howard Stern

reviewing for the GRE mafs section

In opposition to the endless, desultory knots of ink on my paper resulting from algebraic problems, geometric math problems find their solution in my brain easily, without me having to write much down at all. I just did the Triangles Test. Next I have the Quadrilaterals Test and then the almighty in metaphor, the Circles Test. A circle’s round, and never ends, that’s how long I want to be your friend.

Notwithstanding, I’d describe my handful of good relationships as rays, or lines in the best case scenario, reaching insistently and rapaciously through bodies and solids and out into the metaphysical abyss. That’s just the way it rolls. Polygons, while cozy, start to seem cheeky. One is always having to figure out their angles by extending their lines into the white space anyway, but one is often demure enough not to reveal that inelegance in the solution. With lines, infinity becomes a tool without sacrificing much of its mysticism. Part of what makes things mystical, I feel, is that their quotidien use never dulls their wonder. For better or worse, repetition and familiarity play a big part in transcendental experience.

currently on shuffle

• Richard Prince’s Nurse series
• Prof. Daniel Dennett re: consciousness (Kinds of Minds)
• Tortoiseshell
• ~~Wavves~~
• PBJ Picnics/Getting books/Loitering at Guilford College Library
• FreeMind
• Dream journaling
• Handwritten notes accompanied by small gifts
• Ryan’s wall-mounted glass cube betta fish tanks
• The Jersey Shore
• Exploding out of Greensboro in the time it takes to cook a baby ~ 9months or less

and then I realize

It’s time for science.

psychogeography

It was less the feeling that the painter did not know what to paint than that he was housesitting in a fancy house whose floors were covered in persian rugs. Even the kitchen had its own knitted, potted plant growing in blue and maize onto a dried blood background on the floor. After inspection, the painter found no stains even on the kitchen rug, even on the off-white tassels that ended it on either side. Moving the rugs was out of the question–they were much too heavy and the painter had violent allergies. In ernest, the painter began an elaborate process of snipping garbage bags open and lashing them together into a crude covering with dental floss. Seeing that it would take him hours to cover the whole of the rug in a way that was precise enough to ease his anxiety, the painter put his forehead to the floor. Then he took out his sketchbook and a pen. He went into the living room, collapsed into a Louis XVI chair, and turned on the radio. After all, he thought, he could make do with a lesser art.

4th of 7th of 9th

On the 4th of July this year, I drank 6 cups of coffee (5 french-pressed hot, one iced.) I read part of a book that was borrowed and part of one that I helped steal. I was wearing stripes but no stars when we stole it. There was an ornament hanging above the toilet in the house where I was staying that was a fat middle-aged mermaid wearing sunglasses. The people that surrounded me were all very amenable to trickery, mischief, and games– my favorite kind of people to be around during holidays. I rediscovered that my small Heart is actually large for an Apple. Today, on the 5th of July, I ate a banana for the first time in a long time. Shooting the moon is difficult. Below my eyes, some of the capillaries have inexplicably popped like red fireworks on a heat of white lighning.* The red car took us back to the grey house. In an hour, things will be lively again. Now August-bound darkness has just fallen.

*Heat lightning is a misnomer for the faint flashes of lightning on the horizon or other clouds from distant thunderstorms that do not have accompanying sounds of thunder.

hard things

today i have to do something very hard. it seems like i’ve had to do several things this year that have been very hard in a very particular way. i’ve learned some things about doing very quiet, very hard things this year. i’ll deal and by that i mean i’ll listen to kim deal and probably drive around some.